I am so fucking sick of how things are right now.
I cant go out. I cant drink. I cant have amazing sex.
I care about people who dont care about me. I constantly try and please everyone. I am always the one who ends up hurt.
HOW do I stop. WHY cant I stop. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME.
Soldier on, soldier on.
Keep your heart close to the ground.
Its amazing how much can change in the space of a few months…
Something that once meant absolutely everything to you, is no more.
The friends you assumed would be there by your side, arent.
You assumed your parents would want whatever made you to be happy, but they dont.
I know you cant always have everything you want. I know there are people suffering a much harder time than I am.
But for me, this is as low as it gets. And I dont know how to get back up.
Put everything you have left, into the next thirtyfive days.
You will feel better afterward.
Off to work…
It is hard work, and I cant say I am looking forward to getting up at 4AM each day…
But at the same time, it does offer some comforts.
There, I am the favourite child. Friendlier than those before me, with a stronger work ethic than most. They have come to realize they can rely on me to get the job done, properly. I love that feeling. Satisfaction.
The people there are kind, and it is the closest I have been recently to making new friends. They genuinely want to spend time with me. They ask me about how I am going, how my studies are, without it seeming like some sort of task or formality.
Maybe I should stay there?
Lets see how I feel after the next three days (;